Book of the Day

The Power of Surrender
The Power of Surrender

The Power of Surrender: Let Go and Energize Your Relationships, Success, and Well-Being By Judith Orloff M.D. Are you longing for your life to be easier and more fun? Would you like to stop pushing, micromanaging, and forcing things so you can relax? What if you could enjoy what you have instead o [ ... ]

Healing Past Relationships with EFT Heals Present Ones

Dear EFT Community,

The behaviors of our relationship partners usually bother us only because they resemble childhood situations. When those early specific events are addressed with EFT, the current conflict is often automatically resolved, as this story shows.

-Dawson Church, PhD

By Dawson Churchtapping deep intimacy

Claudette, a woman in her mid-twenties, was asked as part of an exercise at an EFT workshop, to find a minor annoyance to tap on.

She said that her annoyance was that her partner Jim "doesn't pull his weight around the housework."

When asked to tune in to what she felt in her body when thinking about Jim and housework, she said she felt pressure in her head.

I asked her about the earliest time she had ever felt such pressure, and she described times when, as a little girl, she watched her father and uncles lounging around the house while her mother did all the housework and waited on them.

She pictured several specific occasions when this occurred.

"I was so angry," she said; "they sat around watching my mother work, drinking and talking."

She tapped on her emotional intensity till each of these scenes was a zero.

"Tell me again about Jim and housework," I asked.

"He actually does quite a lot," she said. "The real problem is me. I'm too demanding, always ragging on him. saying that he doesn't pull his weight around the house."

I wryly observed that the chances of having a long and successful relationship had just increased dramatically! Jim hadn't changed one iota. By going to the source of her pain and tapping on that, Claudette had defused one of the detonators that threatened to blow up their relationship.

To see some of the phrases that we recommend you use to make the link between adult annoyances and childhood events, see Tutorial #4: The Importance of Being Specific.

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