How to Use EFT to Get Over Your Fear of Marriage Now
By Charles B. Crenshaw Jr., Certified EFT Practitioner
A client sought my help with a decision he was having trouble making. His complaint was that he could not decide whether to get married. The idea of marriage frightened him.
At that time of our meeting, the client had put a hold on an engagement to a woman in a foreign country.
He began to explain the content of the fear, as he would in talk therapy, but I stopped him and asked, “On a scale of 1 to 10, how much fear do you have of getting married?”
He continued to want to give me content. I interjected again, “On a scale of 1 to 10, how much fear do you have of getting married?”
He looked puzzled but intrigued, and then said, “10!”
We began to tap on the simple statement:
“I am afraid to get married.”
We tapped through several aspects, a primary one being:
“I am afraid to get married because any woman that I become involved with will take me away from my life’s work.”
Working in a children’s hospital, the client had an extraordinary compassion for children and that compassion had led him to establish an international children’s aid foundation. I asked this extraordinary man, “How much do you feel that a woman would take you away from your life’s work of helping children?” The doctor’s response was 10. An aspect that came up almost immediately as we began tapping on the statement “A woman will take me away from my work” was that this feeling was old, much older than the current situation.
I had him rub the tender spot on the chest in hopes that he would source the first time that he felt this feeling of a woman taking him away from his life’s work. He rubbed, and as many people do with this exercise, he said, “I don’t know, it just seems like I have had this forever.”
I directed him, “As you rub there just notice, what was, when was, the first time you experienced this feeling?”
He said, “Oh, it was with Ms. "X"!”
“How strong is that feeling? Is it dread or anger or what?”
“It’s an 8, anger and sorrow.”
We tapped on the feeling of anger at being prevented from doing his work and the sorrow that came with it regarding Ms. X. We continued to have him talk and tap.
“How much do you still harbor the sorrow, anger, or feeling of loss when it comes to being taken away from your life’s work?”
In response to this wording, he said, “8.”
This was astonishing to me, but it told me there were other aspects of his presenting problem that we had still not dealt with. I had him rub the sore spot again, knowing now that we had not gotten to the earliest sense of hurt regarding the feeling that a woman would make him forsake his life’s work.
“No,” he said after some rubbing, “no, the very first time I experienced this was with Ms. Y, that is when I really noticed this the first time.” There was sadness in his voice now.
“Which is the most prominent here, the sadness or the fear of being taken away from your work?”
“That is a hard question,” he said, then continued, “It’s the sadness, I just don’t know if I’d be a good father.”
We tapped on the sadness around the broken relationship with Ms. Y and his ultimate fear of not being a good father, and another aspect came up.
It followed one question, during tapping, “Have you forgiven Ms. Y or for that matter Ms. X for the slight you feel they have done you by requesting you abandon your work on some level?” He looked puzzled as we tapped and said, “Why…no.” The puzzled look continued.
“On a scale of 1 to 10, 1 being not at all and 10 being completely, how much have you forgiven these women?”
“A 4,” he said.
We tapped on forgiveness until the forgiveness was complete with the women who seemed significant in his past. I asked, “How much sadness is still there?”
He said, “The sadness is gone, surprisingly.”
“How much are you still afraid to get married, or still feel conflicted about getting married?”
The client’s response was still high. “A 7,” he said.
It seemed appropriate here that we do the 9 Gamut Procedure.
We went through the process with him holding the idea that “I still have some fear, some conflict about getting married.” At the end of the 9 Gamut, the client still reported his fear or conflict about getting married was at a 5 on the 1-10 scale.
Once again, I had him rub the sore spot on his chest to check for the first time he had experienced this fear/conflict about marriage and what came up as an interesting aspect was “Jesus was not married and did lots of good works.”
“You can only do good works if you are alone?” I questioned. “Would Jesus have been any less significant if he had been married?”
The client’s eyes widened on repeating this.
“I can’t continue my good work if I have a wife and family, Jesus could not have had the same influence if he had been married. It would not have been possible for him to heal the sick or raise the dead if he had been married.”
“That doesn’t make any sense,” the client said, after he had repeated these statements during the tapping.
I asked, “On a scale of 1 to 10 now, how much are you still conflicted or fearful of getting married.”
The client said, “0. I can have a loving relationship with a woman if this happens and still maintain my life’s work.”
This seemed to be a huge breakthrough for him and we set no further appointment for tapping, as he was on his way to Europe. A subsequent conversation with the client indicated that he had had his heart broken recently, a sure indicator that he was not in conflict about relationships anymore, as painful as the breakthrough might have been.